ECHOES – Tired, Worn Out and Over It. Ignoring the Echoes and Listening to God’s Voice

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ECHOES – Tired, Worn Out and Over It. Ignoring the Echoes and Listening to God’s Voice

by Stephanie D. Moore

The repetitions of my past echoed in my soul… and led me to the melodic life-giving heartbeat of what remained.

Have you ever looked in the mirror and wondered who it was staring back at you? It certainly wasn’t the childhood version of self, full of hopes and dreams. Maybe you saw a glimpse of your mother or father… the side you didn’t want to see. If you were anything like me, you saw an image that was marred or damaged with uncomfortable labels firmly affixed to your forehead.

The words you use daily and inwardly to describe yourself are often based on your past and your worst mistakes. Seemingly those mistakes seem to latch themselves to you as if they are a merit badge to be touted proudly among friends. Maybe they are words you heard your friends whisper in passing when they didn’t want you to know they were discussing you.

At any rate, the words that echo when you describe yourself will follow you for life. They have a tendency to reverb against the recesses of your mind in some fight to control any semblance of life you may dare hold on to. They will encourage your choices and forcibly change your reactions in ways that aren’t positive. They will dig an eternal ditch that only gets deeper in your soul.

This was the road I found myself wandering blindly down… unable to reach my destination because it wasn’t marked, there seemed to be no end in sight.

I made a lot of mistakes. Some were very poor choices that placed me in terribly bad situations. Rather than face my problems, I would find a way to avoid them. Or, so I thought… but I didn’t do a good job. In fact, rather than avoid my initial problem, I would find another to embrace. The mirrored reflection that would stare back at me only indicated I was a serious troublemaker and headed toward death’s door at every turn.

Writing ECHOES unlocked the chains of my past and allowed me to take responsibility for my truth. It unapologetically gave me the right to keep it real with myself. To write this book provided the opportunity to share a message with the world that not only affects so many of us, but can also free some of us.

The content I decided to uncover is often considered taboo to speak about publicly, but is so often, readily shared amongst acquaintances (not even friends) behind closed doors. I chose to share so much of my truth and in such a candid, raw way because I know there are many with dark, angry skeletons in their closets that are ready to be peaceably laid to rest.

My story of being molested by a friend of the family when I was eight was only worsened when I realized quite strangely that I was in love with this man… the one who paid attention. His actions seemingly shoved me down a spiral of self-hate, self-destruction and selfishness. Each story consecutively stacked upon the last can raise awareness to the plights of the average person transitioning through life’s various trials.

The story is chronologically told from my early childhood into adulthood, marriage and divorce. I chronicle moments of shame, pain and most importantly, amazing grace. Yes, grace found me. (I have always reveled at how the Bible refers to Noah. It says, Noah found grace in the eyes of the Lord.) During a time in my life when every other person: family, friend and foe had most certainly written me off, my savior reigned faithful in his willingness to never leave me nor forsake me. I began to realize that in each moment I thought God was gone or turning a blind eye, he was right there with me.

In fact, his perfect strength in my moments of weakness granted the space and time to realign with his will. It was not instant or easy to change, but it was a life or death decision. The Lord’s words of truth began to grow and blossom in my spirit like a well-watered plant that was fit to see light of day. His seeds buried beneath the layers of my soil and covered with my soot soon created a beautiful and living thing called my life.

However, I noticed that walking with God couldn’t stop at acknowledging his gift of eternal life. For if I simply accepted that he’d forgiven me without forgiving myself, I could never live a life of peace or passion. So, I began to look more closely at me. What did I see when I looked in the mirror?

I saw a woman full of courage, strength, tenacity and ability. A woman that could work tirelessly toward every dream she once had as a child. A woman that could no longer make excuses about why she couldn’t do it or wouldn’t do what was needed. What I saw in that mirror was a woman ready to run toward a divine destination that was clearly marked and mapped out uniquely for her. I saw and see myself living free.

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